No more a Blog virgin (Blog-gin, whatever)

I was always inclined towards writing since a very young age. Although, I used to get the bare minimum marks for my awful essay writing in English papers. Grammar sucked and till now I can vaguely remember how tricky the past participle usage was. I tried, though. (like we all do) Pretending to be good at things they have absolutely no love for. I did love the English language. Thanks to my mother who inculcated the best habit of reading in me. I believe we are somewhat mirror images of our parents. A baby grows up to act and behave notice the way the people around him/her behaves. I've got the same scolding when I used to be late for lectures in the morning reading the Eragon series whilst gobbling up the omlette sandwich as my mom who used to read her Mills & Boons in between dinners in her kitchen while cooking the time when Dad used to get his bosses over. 'Stella, now is not the time!". We are addicted to reading even when we munch on Lays we'd make it a point to read the back and know the ingredients and where it has been manufactured and also the place where it has been marketed. For obviously no rhyme or reason. Thanks Mom, my weirdo.

So why did I take 23 years and 11 months to start my blog. Basically, it was always in my mind. I've written dozens of poems and short stories along the years, Some for love, some out of frustration, some out of depression and existential crisis, some even out of lust. I've written for someone or just for myself and haven't showed much to anyone. I was a little bit old school in my approach as I used to pen it in my diaries. Of lately, I am in the process of typing them out in Word. However, I'd still love to sit in a quiet place with mountains on one side of my window and a lovely beach on the other side, with black lemon tea on one side of my table, and scotch on the rocks on the other and me typing away with an old school typewriter like the ones my grandfather had where he used to draft his legal documents from. It's quite a gruelling scenario; but one can only dream.

This longing for having my blog was bothering me since a long time. I scraped through college somehow amidst parties, girlfriends, football, studying, never ending internships, studying and partying again. I was always of the notion someday I'll find time and write a book. Haha. I was drunk most of the time when I had such thoughts but yeah, that's the dream again. Dream with a capital D. Some days ago on an adventure trip, I met someone and in the midst of our connecting process she said that we should share our blogs and then my heart pounded. I felt naked, revealed of my flaws  and I could just mutter I'm in the process of making one. And throughout that night, my self-loathing continued. Why did I not have one already? Why did I wait for so long? And I felt all my life was leading up to this moment. I mean the signs were all there. I loved reading writing and anything literary. I should've had one by now. Its like having a conversation randomly with football crazed drunk Juhu guys on premier league football and then revealing to them that you dont have a Fantasy Premier League Account. Man, those guys were judgmental.

The nitty gritties of volatilities. Why such a title?You may get to know after I post stuff. Or maybe, it sums up the phases in my life where existential crisis comes creeping among other events both happy and testing. Life is difficult in the midst of finding oneself and also being happy among other fast paced events that occur. I feel this may calm me down and help me reflect on stuff. I'll be posting my old stuff that I wrote along the way. Hopefully, this would be start of something awesome. Dream on. Write on.    

- Ashley Arthingal.
The Nitty Gritties of Volatilities.